The Stories We Tell

There has been something on my mind lately, and I'm not sure I've fully worked through it yet.

Maybe that's exactly why I need to write about it.

I've realized that whenever something hurts me, my first instinct has always been to pick up the phone. I don't even think about it. I just call. A parent. A friend. Someone who makes me feel safe.

I've been doing this for as long as I can remember, and at 28, I'm still trying to understand why.

Maybe it's because I've always felt like I needed a backup plan. A safety net. Someone to tell me I'm not overreacting. Someone to reassure me that my feelings make sense.

And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with leaning on the people we love, I've started wondering if sometimes I invite them into moments that were never meant to become permanent memories.

Because here's the thing....when I'm hurting, I don't tell the whole story.

I tell the version of the story that I'm living in at that moment. The misunderstanding. The conversation that hurt. The words I can't stop replaying in my head.

What I don't often do is pick up the phone on an ordinary Tuesday just to say, "Something really thoughtful happened today," or, "Things feel peaceful."

The people who love us naturally hear more about our hardest moments than our ordinary, beautiful ones.

Then time passes.

Conversations happen.

Apologies are made.

Perspective returns.

Life moves forward.

But the people who love us don't always get to move forward in quite the same way. They're left holding onto a version of someone that was shaped by one difficult moment, while I've already experienced everything that came after it.

And I've started wondering if that's fair.

Not just to the people in my life, but to myself as well.

The more I think about it, the more I realize this isn't only true in romantic relationships. It's true in friendships, families, and just about every relationship we'll ever have.

When we repeatedly share only the moments someone hurt us, we unintentionally create a picture of them that leaves out so much of who they really are.

People are rarely just one conversation.

They're rarely just one bad day.

Neither are we.

I've always believed that if someone I love chooses a partner, a friend, or a life that I might not have chosen for myself, my role isn't to make that decision about me. My role is to continue showing up with love.

Not because every relationship is healthy.

Not because every situation should be excused.

But because I trust that the people I love know parts of their story that I don't.

I've also learned that there is a difference between seeking wisdom and seeking validation.

Sometimes we need advice.

Sometimes we need protection.

Sometimes we truly need someone else to step in.

But sometimes... we just need to let our emotions settle before we decide who else needs to carry them with us.

I'm still learning that distinction.

I'm not saying we should keep everything to ourselves. We all need people we can turn to, and there are situations where speaking up isn't just important...it's necessary.

I'm simply learning that not every difficult moment needs an audience.

Some moments need space.

Some need prayer.

Some need a journal.

Some need a long walk.

And some simply need a little time before they're shared at all.

I don't have this figured out.

I'm writing this while I'm still learning.

But I know this much

The people we love deserve to be known by more than the worst version of themselves.

And maybe...so do we.