A Little More Thankful, A Little Less Dramatic...(I Hope)

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian readers!!

Another Canadian holiday that I'm celebrating from Italy, which means no big turkey dinner, no gathering around the table with my family, and unfortunately, no leftover stuffing to eat straight out of the fridge tomorrow and have turkey sandwiches for the next two weeks.

I suppose there's nothing stopping me from making an entire Thanksgiving dinner for two.

However, I've watched my Nana do this for many years, and I can say, I will absolutely not be doing that.

Yesterday we went to my in-laws' for our weekly Sunday dinner, which is something I've become incredibly thankful for. Every Sunday, we get together, eat, catch up, and spend time as a family.

And while it might not be a traditional Canadian Thanksgiving dinner, having that little tradition every single week has given me such a lovely sense of home here in Italy.

So....since it's Thanksgiving, I figured today would be a good day to talk about something I've been realizing lately.

And that is that I don't need to be dramatic....................shocking, I know.

The past month has been a bit of a roller coaster. We've had some wonderful moments, and I've also had some tougher ones mentally. I'll get into where I've been, what we've been doing, and everything else on Friday because there's actually quite a bit to catch up on.

But one thing I've noticed over the last few weeks is how differently I can look at my own life depending on what kind of mood I'm in.

When things are going well, I'm the most grateful girl in the world.

I love my home. I love living in Italy. I love being married. I love my little routine, making my coffee in the morning, getting my work done, cooking dinner, picking up new hobbies, and having absolutely nowhere I need to be on a Friday night.

I can be standing in my kitchen, making something from scratch, with music playing, thinking, "God, I love my life."

And I genuinely mean it....but then something happens.

Maybe I've had a frustrating day. Maybe something hasn't gone the way I wanted it to. Maybe I'm tired, overwhelmed, or just in one of those moods where absolutely everything is annoying me.

And suddenly? I need a completely different life.

I need to move. I need to travel. I need to make plans. I need something exciting to happen. I start thinking about how things should be different, how I should be feeling differently, and whether there's something missing.

Meanwhile, three hours earlier, I was perfectly content folding laundry and deciding what to make for dinner.

Someone, anyone, please explain that one to me.

It's something I've been catching myself doing a lot more lately.

When I'm happy, I can see everything I have so clearly. But when I'm upset or frustrated, I sometimes forget all of it and start looking at my life through whatever emotion I'm feeling at that particular moment. It's like a spiral that lasts days, and sometimes, weeks.

And the thing is, I know better.

I know what it's like for life to change unexpectedly.

I've had enough moments in my life where things have turned upside down, plans have gone completely out the window, and I've wished more than anything that I could go back to the way things were before.

So when I catch myself wishing things were different because I've had one bad afternoon, I really have to remind myself of that.

Because God forbid something actually did change tomorrow.

I promise you, I'd be sitting there wishing I had exactly what I have right now.

The same home.

The same routines.

The same ordinary mornings.

All the little things that can seem so insignificant when they're happening every single day. And that's really what I've been thinking about this Thanksgiving.

I don't want to only be thankful for my life when I'm in a good mood.

I don't want to appreciate my routine only after something has disrupted it.

I don't want to wish away perfectly good days because I've convinced myself that life should feel a little more exciting.

And I certainly don't want to spend a Tuesday afternoon mentally packing my bags because something has annoyed me.

Which brings me to another thing I've been learning. I really, and I mean really, thrive in routine.

I know I've written about this before, but every time I get back into a good routine, I'm reminded of just how much better I feel. Getting up at a reasonable hour, having my coffee, working, getting the house in order, making dinner, spending time with Marco, and having a somewhat normal bedtime.

It's not exactly the most thrilling itinerary in the world...but I fucking love it.

(Pardon my french)

I feel better when I have structure. I'm more productive, I'm happier, and I tend to make much better decisions when I'm looking after myself. The funny part is that I'll finally get into a routine that makes me feel wonderful, and then a week or two later I'll get the itch to shake things up.

Annnnnnnnddddd, as you can see here, you can sense that I make things unnecessarily difficult for myself.

And don't get me wrong, I still want adventure. I still want spontaneous nights out, weekends away, trips to places we've never been, and all the things that make life fun. I don't want to become someone who never leaves the house because she has a perfectly organized laundry schedule, although that does sound like a DREAM.

But I do want to get better at recognizing the difference between wanting to do something because it would genuinely make me happy and wanting to do something because I'm trying to escape a feeling.

Because those are two very different things.

And I've realized lately that sometimes, when I'm frustrated, I don't actually need to do anything.

I don't need to have a big conversation about it. I don't need to tell five people what's bothering me. I don't need to make a decision, change a plan, or figure out what everything means.

Sometimes I just need to be annoyed.

No fix.

No solution.

Just sit with it.

That's it.

Be annoyed.

Make dinner.

Have a shower.

Go to bed.

Maybe tomorrow I'll still be annoyed, and then I can decide whether it's something that needs to be talked about. Or maybe I'll wake up, make my coffee, and realize that whatever had me contemplating an entirely new existence yesterday really wasn't that big of a deal...(almost 10/10 times, this is the actual case).

And for the record, I'm not saying we should ignore genuine problems or avoid difficult conversations. Some things absolutely deserve to be addressed.

I'm just learning that not every feeling needs an immediate audience or an action plan.

Especially when I'm hungry. Honestly, sometimes dinner or even a snack would probably solve half my problems.

I think what I want to get better at is being thankful even when I'm having a bad day.

Not forcing myself to be happy, because obviously that's ridiculous, but being able to say, "Okay, today wasn't great, I'm frustrated, I'm not feeling my best, but that doesn't mean everything else in my life has suddenly become terrible".

A bad day doesn't need to turn into a bad life. Cliché, I know.

And I don't need to start questioning everything I'm usually so grateful for just because I'm temporarily not feeling particularly grateful.

Today, I'm thankful for my family, my marriage, our home, our little life here in Italy, and the fact that I get to spend my days doing things I genuinely enjoy. I'm thankful for my work, my hobbies, the meals I get to make, the places we've been, and the places we'll hopefully get to see. I'm thankful for the routines that keep me grounded, even when I occasionally convince myself that they're boring.

And I'm thankful that I'm getting a little better at recognizing my own patterns...even if it takes teeth-pulling conversations with me to realize this over and over again.

Even if I still have to learn some lessons approximately seventeen times before they stick...(and that number is genuinely me being kinder to myself than in reality).

I'm not expecting to wake up tomorrow and suddenly become the most patient, appreciative, emotionally regulated woman on the planet. However, that is the end goal by the end of my time here on earth.

But I do want to make more of an effort to appreciate the life I have, even on the days when I'm not in the best mood to enjoy it. Because I really do have so much to be thankful for.

And I don't want to need something to change in order to remember that.

Anyways, if you've made it thus far, Happy Thanksgiving.

I hope you get to spend today with people you love, eat far too much food, and appreciate whatever your own version of an ordinary, happy life looks like. And if you're having a bad day, maybe have some dinner before deciding you need to move to another country.....

I'll be back on Friday with a little life update, because I have quite a few stories to tell you about the last month.