The Art of Being a Beginner

Growing up, I think I tried just about every sport and activity you could possibly sign a child up for.

And I don't mean I tried a couple of things and moved on. I mean I really tried everything.

The problem was, I never really got good at any one thing.

I would get excited about something new, throw myself into it for a little while, and eventually move on to the next thing that caught my attention. I was always interested in learning something, but I don't think I ever stuck around long enough to find out what I was actually capable of becoming good at.

And honestly, I think I've carried a little bit of that into adulthood........maybe a little bit more than a little bit.

I've always been someone who gets excited about a new idea. A new hobby, a new project, something I saw online that suddenly convinces me I need to completely reinvent my afternoons.

And then comes the part where I realize I'm not immediately good at it. Which, apparently, is quite inconvenient for someone who has decided she wants to be good at everything.

But this year, I've been trying to change that.

One of the things I've really wanted to focus on is following through. Not just getting excited about doing something, but actually putting in the time to learn how to do it properly.

And lately, that something has been sewing. Yes, sewing.

I've somehow become the girl who spends her afternoons cutting fabric, measuring things, threading needles, and getting irrationally excited when a seam comes out straight.

I bought myself a sewing machine, started experimenting with different projects, and before I knew it, I was completely hooked. And because I apparently don't like making things easy for myself, I've also decided to make my own patterns....that, and where the hell can I find a staples in Italy???

Now, if you've ever sewn before, you'll probably understand why this is slightly ridiculous for a beginner.

There are so many patterns available online. You can buy them on Etsy, download them, print them, cut them out, and follow the instructions.

A perfectly reasonable thing to do.....naturally, I've decided I'm going to figure it out myself.

I'm measuring, drawing, cutting, making adjustments, and occasionally staring at four pieces of fabric wondering which one is supposed to be the front.

Today was one of those days.

I was working on a project that, in my head, seemed fairly straightforward. I had my pieces cut out, I knew what I wanted the finished product to look like, and I was feeling pretty confident about it.

Until I wasn't.

Suddenly, things weren't lining up. One piece was wider than the other, I couldn't figure out which sides were supposed to go together, and at one point I was pretty sure I'd managed to confuse myself more than when I started.

And I could feel myself getting frustrated. You know you're down bad when you're cussing out ChatGPT.

Not necessarily because the project was difficult, but because I wanted to be past the difficult part already. (No shit, i was stuck for 5 hours).

I just wanted to be at the point where I knew what I was doing. Where I could look at a piece of fabric and immediately understand how it needed to be sewn.

Where the finished product looked exactly how I'd imagined it.

I literally tried to make a pair of shorts and it came out looking like a sock for a baby!!!!!

And so, that's when I started rushing.

I'd convince myself something was probably right, sew it together, and realize about thirty seconds later that it absolutely wasn't.

So I'd pull out the stitches, try again, get annoyed, and somehow make another mistake.

At one point, I had to laugh because I was making the entire process so much harder for myself.

Funny thing is, I've started noticing something about the days when sewing actually goes really well.

I'm completely present.

I'm not thinking about how long it's taking, what I need to do afterwards, or how quickly I can finish. I'm just sitting there, paying attention to what I'm doing. I'll measure something twice. I'll turn the fabric around until I understand how the pieces fit together. I'll take my time pinning things before I even think about sewing them.

And when I do that? Things turn out AMAZING.

I'm talking about holding up something I've made with my own two hands and genuinely feeling proud of myself.

Not because it's perfect. Trust me, we're not there yet....but because I figured it out.

I took something that was just an idea in my head, worked through the parts I didn't understand, made mistakes, corrected them, and eventually had something to show for it.

And I think that's the part I've been enjoying the most.

For so much of my life, I've been interested in the idea of being good at things. I love the thought of having a talent, mastering a skill, or being one of those people who can just casually say, "Oh yeah, I made that."

But I don't think I always appreciated how much time goes into becoming that person. You don't just wake up one morning knowing how to sew a dress.

You spend an afternoon trying to figure out why the front and back don't match.

You sew something inside out.

You make a pattern that doesn't fit.

You take it apart.

And then you try again.

Eventually, something that felt completely impossible a few weeks ago starts making a little more sense.

I think that's what I've been missing.

Not the excitement of starting something new. I've always been good at that part. It's learning to enjoy the part where I'm not good at it yet. Because I've noticed that the moment I start rushing, I stop paying attention. And the moment I stop paying attention, things start going wrong. I think I can apply this to a lot of areas in my life.

I can think of plenty of times in my life when I've wanted to skip the uncomfortable middle of something and just get to the part where everything finally makes sense.

But lately, I've been finding a lot of satisfaction in doing things slowly.

In being a beginner.

In accepting that I might spend three hours on something that I'll eventually have to take apart.

And in knowing that those three hours weren't necessarily wasted. I learned something.

Those skills from those mistakes don't just go nowhere. Even if the only thing I learned was that I should probably check which side of the fabric I'm sewing before putting my foot on the pedal.

I'm still very much figuring this whole sewing thing out. I've got a growing list of projects I want to attempt, a few things I've made that I'm genuinely proud of, and some pieces of fabric that we simply won't be discussing.

But I'm sticking with it. And that's the part that feels different.

I don't want to spend my life collecting hobbies that I gave up on the moment they became difficult. I want to know what happens when I actually give myself the time to become good at something.

Maybe one day I'll be making my own clothes without having to stop every ten minutes to figure out what I'm doing. Maybe I'll even make something that doesn't require me to rip out a single seam.

A girl can dream.