I Want to Be a Running Girl

I have recently decided that I want to be a fitness girlie.

Not in the influencer way. Not in the “here are my five favorite protein powders and a link to my matching gym set” way. And certainly not in the personal trainer way. If you know me, I can guarantee that was never your first thought when you heard “fitness girl.”

I mean a girl who genuinely enjoys working out.

A girl who wakes up and thinks, “I can’t wait to go for a run.”

A girl who puts on her running shoes and actually wants to run.

A girl who finishes a workout and feels energized and proud and somehow has her life together.

That girl. I would like to be her.

The problem is, I currently hate running. Well, hate is a strong word. I hate the part where I have to start running.

Once I'm finished, I love it. I love how my body feels. I love knowing I did something that was good for me. I love that little feeling of accomplishment that comes afterward.

But getting myself to actually do it? A completely different story.

My husband and I recently bought new running shoes because we decided we were going to start running together.

And we did. We went on one run.

Please don't laugh.

One.

And honestly? I am proud of that one. It was ten minutes.

Yes, ten.

But considering I spent most of those ten minutes questioning every decision that had led me to that exact moment, I think ten minutes is something to celebrate.

Because my God, am I out of shape.

My legs felt heavy.

My back hurt.

It was hot.

I was dragging my feet.

And somewhere around minute four, I was internally screaming at myself, “PICK UP YOUR KNEES, KIER.”

Do I look like a deer? Because I feel like I'm running like a deer. An extremely tired deer.

A deer who has never run before. I don't know.

But I know I want to get better.

We've actually been on this fitness journey before.

About a year ago, my husband and I joined a gym and were extremely committed at first. I felt like I was getting into really good shape, and for a while, we had a routine that actually stuck.

And then summer happened.

And, well...

We did not go.

Let's just say that.

Then we went back to Canada, thinking we'd be there for maybe two months. We bought a one-way ticket. Seven months later, we were still there. So obviously, the gym routine wasn't exactly thriving. When we finally came back to Italy, we rejoined a gym and started again.

And then, somehow, we fell off again.There is a theme developing here.

We have workout equipment at home. We have a courtyard. We have everything we technically need to move our bodies without even leaving the house.

We've created little workout routines. We've had periods where we were really consistent.

And then life gets busy.

Or it's too hot.

Or I'm tired.

Or I tell myself I'll do it tomorrow.

And tomorrow becomes next week.

And next week becomes, “Well, I guess I'll start again Monday.”

I'm trying really hard to stop doing that.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is accountability. Not the kind where I beat myself up every time I don't do something perfectly. More the kind where I actually hold myself accountable to the things I say I want.

Because I say I want to be someone who works out.

I say I want to run.

I say I want to feel strong.

I say I want to take care of my body.

And at some point, I have to start showing up for the version of myself I'm constantly saying I want to become.

Which brings me back to running. Because I really, really want to love it.

Running also feels so chic right now.

There is something about seeing people casually go for a run with their little headphones in, looking effortlessly cool, like they're starring in a Nike commercial. Meanwhile, I am ten minutes into a run wondering if my legs have stopped working.

I'm trying to convince myself to breathe normally.

I'm sweating.

I'm hot.

I'm questioning my life choices.

And I'm thinking:

“Pick up your knees.”

“Why are your legs so heavy?”

“Are you actually running?”

“Your back hurts.”

“Keep going.”

“Why is this so hard?”

“It's only been four minutes.”

“FOUR?”

So, clearly, I need some help.

I want to learn how to enjoy this. I want to get to the point where going for a run feels like something I look forward to instead of something I have to mentally prepare myself for three hours in advance.

I know I'm not going to become a runner overnight. And honestly, I'm not even trying to become someone who runs ten kilometres tomorrow.

I just want to become someone who keeps showing up.

Ten minutes today.

Maybe twelve next time.

Maybe fifteen after that.

And eventually, maybe I'll look back at this post and laugh at the fact that ten minutes once felt impossible.

So, if you're a runner, a workout girlie, someone who used to hate exercise, or just someone who has somehow figured out how to make yourself do the things you don't feel like doing...

I need your advice.

How did you learn to love it?

How did you get yourself motivated when motivation wasn't there?

How do you make yourself go when your brain is saying, “Absolutely not”?

Because right now, I'm not looking for a six-week transformation. I'm looking for a reason to put my running shoes back on.

Maybe that's enough of a start.