For My Nana, On Her 80th

Today, my Nana turns 80...and if you know who she is, she's probably your "Nana" too.

And I'm crying as I write this because I'm not sure there are enough words in the world to explain what she means to me.

My Nana has been there for every single step of my life.

Not just the good ones.

Every version of me.

Every chapter.

Every mistake.

Every accomplishment.

Every difficult season.

Every time I've questioned myself, and every time I've found my way back.

Not once has she hung up.

Not once has she made me feel like I was too much, too complicated, or too far gone.

She has simply been there.

My Nana is my heart outside of my body. One of the safest places I know.

When I think about the people who have made me feel completely loved, completely seen, and completely accepted, she is always there.

She has this incredible ability to see the best in absolutely everyone.

She forgives easily.

She loves deeply.

She cares for people in a way that feels almost instinctive. She notices when someone needs something before they even have to ask.

She is the epitome of a grandmother.

But to me, she is so much more than that.

She is someone I look up to.

Someone whose heart I hope to carry with me.

Someone who has shown me what it means to love your family fiercely, to have faith, to forgive, and to keep showing up.

Throughout some of the darkest moments of my life, her love has carried me. There were times when I didn't necessarily know how I was going to get through something, but somehow, knowing she was there made it feel a little less impossible.

That's what she has always been for me.

A constant.

A reminder that no matter how messy life becomes, there is still somewhere I can come back to.

And as I sit here writing this, I realize how much I wish I could freeze time.

Because the thought of a world without my Nana in it is something I don't even know how to comprehend. I don't want to think about it.

So instead, I want to celebrate the fact that she is here.

That she is 80.

That I get to love her.

That I get to hear her voice, sit with her, laugh with her, learn from her, and experience the kind of love that I'm not sure everyone gets the privilege of knowing.

Nana, I hope you know how loved you are.

I hope you know that the way you've loved me has mattered. That it has shaped me.

That when I have struggled, your love has been one of the things that reminded me I could keep going.

I hope you know that every hug, every phone call, every word of encouragement, every prayer, and every little thing you've done has stayed with me. You have given me a kind of love that doesn't ask me to be anything other than exactly who I am.

And I think that is one of the greatest gifts anyone can give another person.

Happy 80th birthday to my Nana.

My safest place.

My biggest cheerleader.

One of the greatest loves of my life. My heart outside of my body. I love you more than I could ever put into words.

And if I could give you anything today, it would be the ability to see yourself through my eyes for just a moment.

Maybe then you'd understand just how incredibly special you are.

Happy birthday, Nana.